Could it Be the Time to Meet your Compassionate and Mindful Leader?
As I began writing this, I feel a mix of emotions! I've been reflecting on how The Coaching Nest can best support you amazing women and those who support your journey. Together, how do we navigate these strange and challenging times?
We are all different, so we will be experiencing the COVID-19 crisis from the lens of our own realities, fears, dreams, grief, and traumas. I know this type of crisis can trigger some painful memories and truths for many people. I believe your first priorities are self care and supporting your family, emotionally and financially, as best you can. These appear to be the two most important priorities for you and I! Next is caring for our neighbors and the marginalized of this world.
Years ago, I was a Regional Director for a non for profit that focused on peer to peer groups helping in the healing of families through painful transitions or loss. I am no stranger to a variety of losses. At the end we celebrated new beginnings! This role taught me key life lessons, but mainly, be a leader, who is mindful and compassionate while offering support and helping people see a picture beyond the end of a crisis. In our groups we all agreed to be present to one another in our most authentic capacity. When we messed up, we forgave, over and over!
It is this experience that propelled me to seek more questions then answers.
My journey led to an expression of this same essence as a Career and Leadership Coach. I do know its hard to focus when you are hurt, confused and in pain, but my calling (whatever the title) has always been to bring a presence of hope, so this will be my intention today.
"Grief is not a problem to be solved,"
"It's a presence in the psyche awaiting, witnessing."
"We need to recognize that mixed in with all the feelings we're having of anger, disappointment, perhaps rage, blame and powerlessness – is grief," Terri Daniel.
I’m passionate that women, if they pause, re-frame leadership and search inside themselves will emerge into what they define as success for them.
The past few weeks required me to be aware of my mind chatter. I was sometimes being triggered by a sense of grief and loss of not only projects being put on hold, but the compassion I felt watching my clients being asked to rise to often, unrealistic expectations and for some, job loss.
Even though I have worked with these issues for years, somehow in the past weeks, I found myself "not feeling enough" with my clients. That was my reminder to remain steadfast to the most important coaching and leadership competency: Leadership, and Coaching Presence.
As an International Coaching Federation (ICF) Accredited Coach, I define Presence "as the ability to be fully conscious and create spontaneous relationships with the client, while employing a style that is open, flexible, and confident". These qualities include:
- Being present and flexible during the coaching process, dancing in the moment.
- Accesses own intuition and trusts one’s inner knowing—"goes with the gut.”
- Is open to not knowing and takes risks.
- Sees many ways to work with the client and chooses in the moment what is most effective.
- Uses humor effectively to create lightness and energy.
- Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments with new possibilities for own action.
- Demonstrates confidence in working with strong emotions and can self-manage and not be overpowered or enmeshed by client’s emotions.
The neuropsychologist Dan Siegel describes presence as being fully in the now, undistracted by the past or future, or by one's own personal needs. It is also calm, positive, maintaining open awareness, hasn't decided how things should be, is supportive of others, curious about the next moment, and in the flow.
I’ve dedicated a large part of my life to growing and deepening my compassion, mindfulness, and presence. I often fail, I slip into comparison, I wonder if I am seen as naïve and not savvy enough. I suffer impostor syndrome, the quacking duck, and the critical voice is sometimes endless and soul sucking. Then with self- coaching and the support of my own mindfulness coach I wake up, conscious once again. I am PRESENT and ready to be an example of hope!
Coaching is not about me;
Its about you, and I am here to serve as best I can!
“What is most important to you?”
My coaching presence, is how I intend to show up in our coaching space.
For me this is
Mindful Leadership Compassion that Challenges you to action
To hold you capable
In coaching, you are the expert in your own life. Coaching techniques like deep listening, curiosity, championing, challenging and of course asking powerful questions are all part of our process.
What coaching is NOT: ( https://thecoachingnest.ca/is-coaching-right-for-you/ )
- Telling people what to do
- Fixing problem performers
- Therapy, consulting, or training
- A time-consuming process
- Someone else’s job
- A one-time event
- Just another management fad
The ICF defines Coaching as "partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process
that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential, which is particularly important in today's uncertain and complex environment".
I will let go and allow you (the Coachee) to be the one who I hold capable. I provide the space where you are seen, heard, understood, and nurtured.
The Coaching Nest is a retreat from the demands of the often harsh and chaotic world, so you have the space to reconnect with your own capability, resourcefulness and coaching genius. Yes, we have been brainwashed to think otherwise, but you have many, if not all your own answers within!
I see The Coaching Nest as a place of loving kindness, where clients, like you, have a mindful space to reflect on your career and leadership journey using a coach approach. Here is a loving kindness meditation for you to enjoy! https://www.dropbox.com/home/blog%20stuff?preview=LovingKindness2.mp4 (Niemiec, 2014)
It is also in this space that you can develop the self- awareness that ensures you show up claiming and creating your OWN powerful leadership presence. It is difficult to lead and coach others when you are not centered in your own conviction of who you are and where you are going!
You are behind the steering wheel, and in complete control of when you want to move forward, when you want to turn, stop, or change direction. I, the Coach, remain in the passenger seat. Although I have a map that helps to navigate, ultimately it is up to YOU to be the expert, to be the expert in your own life to steer that vehicle.
Commit to Breakout From Your Own Thought Prison
How then can we pull down our prison walls and set ourselves free when we are in forced isolation and fear?
The answer is surprisingly simple. Be present in this moment with yourself and others.
We are living with ambiguity, many of our externals are completely out of our control. Coaches embrace this daily reality.
The great news is this could be an opportunity for you to find your own safe, compassionate space despite the chaos around you! It can be a place to be present and Emerge Stronger as a Leader.
Could you view this time of isolation as your own chrysalis
to grow your presence?
A caterpillar eventually emerges from the chrysalis as a butterfly, so you too can be invited to create this space of transformation. I use the symbol of the butterfly for many leadership and coaching stories. If you are interested in reading more about this, click the link below.
( https://www.dropbox.com/home/blog%20stuff?preview=My+Butterfly+Story.docx )
I feel more confident than ever that COVID-19
could be used as “a cultural revolution against the notion that faster is
always better. The slow philosophy is not about doing everything at a snail’s
pace. It’s about seeking to do everything at the right speed. Savouring the
hours and minutes rather than just counting them. Doing everything as well as
possible, instead of as fast as possible, it’s about quality over quantity in
everything from work to food to parenting.”
I wrote about this On September 26, 2018, https://thecoachingnest.ca/slow-down-to-succeed/ . It was a quote from Carl Honore, that reinforced my motto.
Could this crisis and forced isolation be a chance to re-evaluate the human side of leadership?
Are we being shown that humanity needs more than ever to slow down and listen more deeply, courageously and BE present?
Life is a Journey, Not a
Destination.
Is this your opportunity to rediscover, learn, explore, achieve mastery, redefine, re-purpose, and even look at your habits and behaviors that are preventing your leadership presence?
I’m curious about how you will
CHOOSE to see this time?
I’m hopeful, yet realistic! I am no stranger to adversity! We all have our stories but despite all our challenges we must move forward!
We will grieve, we will need to support one another, yet focusing on the negative only becomes manifest in the outer world!
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” ― Wayne W. Dyer
Success or failure depends often on our inner focus.
Could it be the Time to Meet your Compassionate and Mindful Leader?
We are often on autopilot and have habits that are not conscious to us. The outside world often benefits from our unawareness when they would rather not have their situation changed too!
The challenge is that humanity
has been behaving as if it on a performance treadmill, running without purpose.
We sometimes build lives we don’t even feel passionate about!
I believe this is a historic moment! Do You?
We are a connected system, so what is our next move? I believe we can start now to be a force of positive light.
I am not in any way naïve about the struggles we have. I've had many! I'm in process, I value a growth mindset :
I'm learning and growing and will choose to see this as a time of discovery for me and the world!
Hold your families close; take care of your physical,
psychological, and all other needs! Seek
support, in whatever way works for you!
My group of emerging leaders and I have decided to proceed with our CALM Power™ Group Online, beginning next week! Together we will all show up the best we can! My clients and those who support them, (past, present, and future) are amazing women who are showing up and having courageous conversations and modelling the way of presence, so that they can serve others! Keep being the shining lights of being leaders who are EMERGING STRONG! We got this!!
I will adjust the purpose and delivery of my programs to best serve my clients at this time. All programs can be customized and delivered online. I will ask you for input and respect your boundaries. We will leverage this opportunity to grow, be strong and together be present with what is happening around us.
Here is my CALM Power Program to explore and all other courses at The Coaching Nest can be customized for you:
With Great Warmth!!
Shelley